I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
