I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
