I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
hell yes lets make some ravioli
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
