How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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