I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
