if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
