she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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