At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
