remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
