And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
