Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
