one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
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