This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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