Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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