i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
In America we eat man semen.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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