I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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