I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
