walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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