I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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