so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize