Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
