i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
