Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
