So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
