I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
