oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
