I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize