I'm really into asian looking animals
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
