I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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