I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
