Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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