I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
