Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Less talking, more tequila
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
