I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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