Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Randomize