Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
