I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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