I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
