also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
