Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
