He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
