I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
She needs sedatives and a leash
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize