i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
