How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize