New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i barfeds in our rink
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
