My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
