...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
