It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
