The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize