I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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