Me too!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
