well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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