I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
