that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
