this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
