i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
