in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize