Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I will pee on everything he values.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
