Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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