i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
