He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
