maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
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