Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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