I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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