You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
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