I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
