My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
