Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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