I skipped work to stalk him.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We were destined to go to rehab together
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
