I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
