i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
