Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
