I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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