He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
