i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
