I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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