good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
two words: eviction party
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
