i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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