He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
How does one acquire holy water?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
