I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
