So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
