Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
