You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
