i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
