I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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