I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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