I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
