I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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