I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
