3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
