for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
