I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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