I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
