so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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