I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
