3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
