She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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