So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
